Addiction can begin by promising exactly what a hurting person believes they need: an escape from pain, a moment of peace, or a way to quiet what feels too difficult to face. Yet what first appears to offer relief can gradually become the very thing that takes control of a person's life.
That is what happened to her.
The thing she had turned to for relief eventually became difficult to turn away from. What once seemed to offer an escape began taking more and more from her, until it was no longer simply a choice she made but a force that held her captive.
What God saw
When I look back on her story, though, I believe God saw something in her that even she could not see.
Beneath the addiction
He saw a worshipper.
She knew how to surrender.
She simply had not yet understood what that surrender was supposed to become.
That may sound strange when speaking about someone who struggled with addiction, but I believe it is one of the most important truths in her story.
She knew how to surrender and give herself completely to something. The tragedy was that addiction reached that part of her before she understood where her capacity for surrender was meant to lead.
She surrendered to something that could never love her in return.
She gave herself to something that could only take from her.
And yet God knew that the same woman who could surrender herself so completely to something destructive could one day surrender herself completely to Him.
Grace was still working
God was not finished with her.
He knew who she was beneath the addiction and the brokenness. Even when her life no longer looked like worship, He could still see the worshipper within her.
Perhaps this is one of the great mysteries of God's grace: He can still see what is alive within us when everything around us seems to suggest it has disappeared.
Two different desires
Her addiction wanted more of her.
God wanted her heart.
The thing that held her captive was slowly taking her life, but God was calling her toward the One who could restore it.
Her story also reflects what has been happening within her family. Some of her siblings have taken similar steps, while others are still struggling.
They may not recognize themselves in her story yet, but perhaps one day they will. Perhaps they will look at what God has done in her life and realize that the road they are walking does not have to be the road they remain on.
The turning point
She made the decision to turn around, and that choice changed everything. It redirected the course of her story and opened the way toward a life she had not yet imagined.